So, to my surprise, www.ihatemen.com is real and its funny as hell. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the dating horror stories. After reading them I think I have concluded that the number #1 sign that a guy has lost interest is his knack for making up ridiculous stories or just neglecting to call you for weeks at a time. I thought that this was something that most women already knew ….. but I guess when you are in love its just tough to see the light. But if its only been like two dates, come on. Who wants to be with a coward like that anyways although I have to admit that I’ve probably done the same thing. Face it girls, its a fact …. guys are pussy cowards and would rather string girls along until the end of time rather than to having to actually break it off. They’ll just continue giving lame excuses until their face turns blue. So after reading this, I have been inspired to compile my dating horror stories. But since I ramble I’m just going to list all of my relationships that lasted more than two days … and I’m going to try REAL hard to stay focused here.
Mr. A: Met him in high school marching band in 7th grade. My friend had a huge crush on him but he liked me and I guess I wasn’t such a good friend. Anyways, he invited me to go along with him and his parents to see some kind of symphony that ended up being the most boring thing in the world. We never actually kissed but he tried to stick his hand down my pants while we were sitting together on the band bus, covered with a blanket. I pushed him away and he never really talked to me again.
Mr B: Met him in 8th grade. He was the older brother of a friend of mine and I thought he was cute. So as it usually goes, word got out that I thought he was cute and he decided to ask me on a date. My dad dropped us off at the mall and we went and ate at McDonald’s. After such a wonderful dining experience, we walked across the street towards the movie theater and he stopped right in front of the grocery store and kissed me. Yep, my very first real kiss was in the parking lot of a grocery store. We went to the movies and saw “Dumb and Dumber”. The date was ok and we continued to see each other for about two months. During Valentines Day and I went all out and bought him this really fancy card, two bags of his favorite candy and a Pgh Penguins t-shirt. What did I get? I got a plastic rose. Yep, plastic. Anyways, about a month later his friend passed along a note from him that said “I don’t really like you and I’m too good for you, blah blah”. I’m sure I still have that note somewhere, should have burned it. Asshole didn’t even have the guts to break up with me to my face.
Mr. C: We met in 9th grade and I have no idea how because he was two years younger than me and we shared no classes in school. Anyways, we basically just made out a lot and I went to a “Festival of Lights” thing during the Christmas season with his family and he insisted on making out with me in the backseat during the almost two hour trip there. His family was white trash and his dad was encouraging and cheering him on as he made out with me. Anyways, he just turned out to be a liar in just about every respect. He would just say random things that were obviously not true, but he would insist that they were. He wanted to go to the Snowball with me but at that point I was too embarrassed to even be seen with him anymore. His mom bought me a Mickey Mouse corkboard for Christmas but I don’t think our relationship lasted into the New Year. He was a freak that smelled funny and sadly I had to end our relationship.
Mr D: Again, another bad choice during the summer between 9th and 10th grade. He lived on a farm and had a million zits on his face. We got caught by the cops making out in the park. My mom hated him and told me she would disown me if I kept seeing him. My dad called him pizza face. He was really boring. I wrote him a note, breaking up with him after about a month. At least I handed it to him in person.
Mr E: This was the first BIG relationship, as in it lasted close to four years, maybe more … I can’t keep track after all the times we broke up. We met in 10th grade. A friend of a friend kind of thing I guess. We were both in band but we weren’t actually friends. One day my contact came out of my eye and I was attempting to put it back in at my locker and scurry back to class. He approached me, and while standing there with a beat red eye, he asked me to the Snowball. Of course, being the geek I was, I had no real prospects so I said ok. I never really liked him and thought he was a dork, so I basically ignored him for that entire month up until the Snowball. So we went to the Snowball and danced and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Maybe I was horny from all that close dancing, I don’t know, but I said yes and immediately regretted it. For the first few months we just sat in my girlfriends basement and made out a lot. We had nothing to talk about. Eventually something caught on because I fell in love with the asshole and was with him up until my sophomore year of college. We actually broke up several times before that though. The first time we broke up was due to a fight my junior year which led to me cheating on him. Exactly one year later we broke up again after a fight where i attempted to throw a glass ashtray at his head, missing by about an inch as we watched it shatter on my wall. This was right after my high school graduation and it was summer and he went to an Eagle Scout camp for two weeks the day after the fight. I thought it would be a good break so we could both cool off, but the day he returned he was flaunting a new girlfriend around town. I never took the fight that seriously, so of course I was heartbroken. He broke up with her and I took him back during the beginning of my freshmen year of college. Soon after that we broke up again and he started dating another girl. They eventually broke up too, I think she dumped him for smoking too many cigarettes and too much pot. So it was on and off for a while, till I finally gave him the boot after reading an email to on of his ex’s about how he was just using me because I bought him some Blink 182 tickets. Yeah, this one makes me look like a desperate loser. He has a kid now, probably still smokes pot 24/7 …. and I really didn’t need that bag of bones anymore. He looked like a refugee from Ethiopia and I’m better off without him. We had different goals in life anyways.
Mr. F: So I had moved away to Ohio hoping to finally forget about Mr. E. I was working at Cedar Point and was having a great time. There was this kid, really dorky actually … and he liked me for some reason. I felt bad and finally gave in to going on a date with him. He acted so sweet as a friend, but once we went out all he wanted to do was molest me. One night he asked me to sleepover at his apartment so I said ok, especially because it was HOT in my apartment that I shared with 8 other girls, and he had air-conditioning. So I went over and he busted out his stash of condoms and asked me if I would have loud and wild passionate sex with him. He wanted me to “scream so everyone in the building would hear us having sex”. I wasn’t really down with that, so I just said no and decided to go back home. One week later I found out he was screwing some other girl at work, and soon he was going around bragging about how many women he had bagged that summer. So I was glad I got out when I did.
Mr. G: This one is funny too. So my sophomore year of college I met this really sweet guy. He was a friend of a friend and we would party together a lot. My roommate was in love with him, but he seemed to like me … so again back to 7th grade, I decided I didn’t really care if she liked him. My roommate smoked crack anyways, yeah she really did. Anyways, one night I stayed over at my friends house and he was there too. He decided he was too tired to drive home and that he was going to have to share the bed with me. Since I had like a huge crush on him, I did not object. So we fooled around a little bit, just kissing and touching and I left the next day not knowing what to think. That night my friend had a party and he was there. He asked me to be his girlfriend so I said yes. He seemed like the perfect guy and I was doing the happy dance, well for like a day. After that party I did not hear from him for two days. I finally messaged him and asked him to hang out that night but he said he was going to be at work late and then he was going out for drinks with his buddy Joe. Ok, well Joe was gay …. and his bestfriend. I had a hint of suspicion about their friendship, but I wasn’t going to accuse my boyfriend of being gay! He certainly didn’t seem gay, and my friend that hooked us up swore on her life that he was NOT GAY. A few days after that he IM’d me and said he couldn’t be with me anymore because there were a lot of things he had to work out in his life. He wouldn’t elaborate. So we kind of remained friends by acquaintance but that was it. A few months later a bunch of us all went to Canada, got real drunk, and Mr. G made out with my friend Kimmy right in front of me in our hotel room. I was mostly over him by then, and decided that it wasn’t really worth getting pissed about. A few months after that, I found out he had a boyfriend and was just using Kimmy and I to figure out if he could like girls. He’s still on my AIM list and I don’t talk to him, but I know that he’s been in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, Chris, for about two years now. Congrats to him. I still get made fun of to this day about it … hearing “You turned him gay!” Yep, thats me … I have the ability to turn one gay.
Mr. H: So I moved to Pittsburgh in May 2002 after being quite fed up with my other college. I moved in with my pals from high school, enrolled at Pitt and was ready for the fun to start rolling in. I also really wanted to meet some awesome guy because I was sick of being single and all that so I tested out that thing called online dating. Literally within days of being in Pittsburgh I had a prospect who called me on the phone one night after talking online for about 10 minutes. Yeah it wasn’t a gradual thing where we talked for weeks before deciding to talk on the phone, and finally meet. I agreed to meet him the next day, knowing basically nothing about him. I did have a picture though! I did all the things you aren’t supposed to do in the online dating world, such as letting him pick me up at my house (knows where I live), going to his house where he lives alone (hey, he could be a murderer), let him cook me dinner (could have been poisoned). Anyways, it was a bit impulsive for me, but it turned out to be kind of cool because we started dating seriously and had a great relationship. Three years and some months later … not as peachy as it used to be and I don’t even know if we are still together. I’m having this feeling that its turning into Mr. E all over again, but I’m destined to let it happen because of that nasty little thing called love.
The End … for now. I still have 18 letters left before I have to start using numbers or Greek symbols. 😛
wow, i have no idea who half those people are, but you should give Mr. A. a call and see if he’s available!
Here are the initials: A:DW, B:BR, C:JG, D:MI, E:SK, F:don’t know, G:JK, H:TR ….. You should know all of them except letter F & maybe G. I cannot even remember Mr. F’s last name. Oh well, alzheimers is setting in early.